just some thoughts:
SO. There I was. Standing with old friends, new friends, free drinks, live reggae band, on a rooftop in manhattan, great atmosphere, great people, full view of all the major landmarks, cool summer night...I truely felt like Carrie Bradshaw. What was going through my mind at this point? Let me tell you.
"My feet hurt. I'm tired. It took us so long to get here. I'm not the biggest reggae fan. I wanna wake up early tomorrow so I can be at central park by like 11/12...." onnnnn and onnnnnn
like ew. what the hell is my deal? there I am with the DREAMMMM LIFE i'd always wanted (okay so a dream life would include a salary but you get the point) and all I wanted to do was leave....the party at least, not my life. just to clarify.
But seriously I did. And as my friends danced the night away and laughed behind me and debated mizzou vs. msu, met new people and were having the FABULOUS SATC night i should've been having, I stood by the ledge and looked at the city. That made me content enough. I didnt wanna be a downer and peace out too early, I mean Lindsay was gracious enough to get us into this party. But that's all I wanted to do...stand there and just look at the city.
I took a minute to really look at everything and have a "is this really happening?" second...but then I started to think about life...
{{begin philosophical moment}}
This is what I contemplated and feel free to lend your opinion. Are people ever going to be satisfied? Better yet am I?!? I mean, on paper that sounded like one hell of a good time, right? I think so, at least. But I really just wanted to leave.
I couldnt decide why my dream wasnt so glamourous as I was living it and I decided its one of 2 things....
1. You dont consider the reality when your living in a dream world....
.........OR..........
2. I suck.
Naturally, I let myself go on this one and decided that its number 1. This isnt the first time i've realized this but i'm the kind of girl that needs to learn her lessons a few times for them to stick. Of course I knew that I would be working, getting tired, not feelin like going out, having nights that kind of fail, etc. But not on nights when you party on a rooftop with tons of people, an amazing band, lots of friends and new people to meet, free drinks and a view of the empire state building, chrysler building, and all of midtown. No, those nights would be perfect and there would be nothing to complain about.
If this dream came true and slightly let me down whats next? I'm already like this with clothing (bad example who isnt) but seriously...I'm gonna get an amazing apartment and what...look for a new one sometime? Wish I lived somewhere different? Get the best job I could ask for and wish I worked less?
Where would it end?
{{End Philosophical Moment}}
That was it really...will it ever be enough? I couldve pushed through the blisters, the pounding headache, the crabby attitude and the millions of yawns and had a kickass night like the rest of them i bet. But I left. Crawled into bed...not exactly the dream I expected...
But then again, I did wake up with no hangover...
I don't think it is a case of "never having enough", I just think your dream is so much more than JUST rooftop parties.
ReplyDeleteTotally different scenario (because you are in New York, New York) but when I come back to visit Springfield, as much as I love everyone, I am ready to call it a night way earlier than everyone else. (No, not JUST because I am old and can't "hang") but because my life is so much more than a bar right now: trying to start a family, my career, etc. etc.
I think you DO want tha SATC night all the time but think about it: What did Carrie and the girls talk about? Their awesome careers, their men, fashion, charities etc. Not MSU vs. Mizzou. It's kind of like you want to fast-forward and go ahead an be there for "real."
You are following your dream Polly Pocket. Don't give up on yourself, EVER.